I haven’t written in a while. While I don’t think anyone is sitting on the edge of their chair waiting to see what literary gem will next erupt from my fingers, I do still apologize for my absence.
Today, 25 February, would be my parent’s 46th wedding anniversary. I say would be because last June, 2 days after my own anniversary, my mother died after a very quick and serious illness. She had turned 66 less than two months previous. It left our family shattered for a time with my sister trying to figure out how to function without her mother’s advice and my father unable to sleep in the house the two of them planned to grow old in together. Me, I thought I was all right. My mom and I weren’t particularly close but we had talked out all our issues and were on an even keel. As much as she would drive me absolutely mental, I knew I would miss her, but figured I wouldn’t miss her as much as others in my family. For the most part, this is true I think. I have moments, but on the whole I know she is where she should be, out of pain and in the heaven she believed in.
I say all this because I am terrible with dates. I forget birthdays, anniversaries… Easter. So I sometimes set up reminders to email a day before the event so I don’t look like I’ve forgotten. Sometimes it even works. Yesterday evening I got an automated email reminding me of my parent’s anniversary. I looked at the email for a while, my mind not quite comprehending what was on the screen while I felt like a boot with a size 12 foot in it had kicked…. hard…. in the stomach. Suddenly I wanted my Mommy and I wanted her NOW! After some sympathetic coos and pats from my spouse, I felt better. I figured, I had my mini meltdown, I’ll be fine now. Today my sister writes a lovely Facebook posting about my parents, their lives together and how we have been doing since my mother’s death and I have been spending the majority of the day trying to not break down while I go about my business life.
It’s funny how memories rise whenever the time is right, no matter how inconvenient they might be. So finally, almost 9 months after her passing and on the day of my parent’s commitment to each other, I am grieving.
I miss you Mom and I wish you were here so I could forget to call you and wish you another Happy Anniversary.
Happy Anniversary and I love you!